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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|