Those Phrases from A Dad That Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."